Aka Ironyca Stood in the Fire – gaming blog
I randomly ran into this game called Alpaca Party On Google Play
And since I have a minor weakness for many things cute, I decided to try it out.
At this point I’m either confused or appalled.
I’m either just completely misinformed and do not understand this game, I have missed a huge mark or something or I have already seen everything this game has to offer, and it’s absolutely rubbish.
What you see on the right is a screenshot of the game on my smartphone. This is where the main part of the game happens – that is, the shaving of the alpacas.
Shaving them is done by plotting your finger on the alpaca and an electric shaver appears and buzzes their wool right off. This earns you coins. So far so good.
You can catch new alpacas that will earn you more coins, by spending coins on buying bait.
What you want is to get more fancy alpacas at your party. Alpaca-completism!
You can also buy party accessories for a lot of coins. The above screenshots shows some snacks laid down on the blanket next to the alpacas. I don’t think the food adds any extra income (greedy alpacas!), so why this would ever be a good idea, I don’t know (unless I’m misinformed).
Smell the grind already?
I’m sitting at a few thousands of coins. I need 30.000 coins to get a better certificate, so that I can buy the better bait and get the better alpaca.
Even though there’s an alpacapedia, which keeps track of the ones you’ve collected, it doesn’t help you in any way figuring out which alpacas to invite to your party.
Let’s pretend they all give 1 coins/sec on average. This would then take 45 minutes to earn 30.000. This is an optimistic measure in itself and it’s also assuming you’re clicking instantly whenever an alpaca needs a shave.
The creators must have been so inspired by Cow Clicker – which was satire!
45 minutes of constant and mindless rubbing of your finger on your phone, like the deranged alpaca mobile game addict you are.
You can, of course, BUY more coins. The time-equals-money mechanic oh so familiar to this genre.
If your most central game mechanic requires less than two brain cells of the player, we’re either talking about a toy for an infant (and thus not even a game), or a money grabbing app that says: “Hey buy a bunch of stuff for no reason”.
Honestly, I was tempted to do the 45 min of finger rubbing, just for the sake of seeing whether it would somehow unlock something and open the game up to me – cute alpacas would come flying out of the screen. Instead I spent the 45 minutes on this blog post.
There’s another method of earning coins. I don’t even know what to say about it. It’s a repackaging of flappy bird, here instead called “Floaty Alpaca”. You can earn one coin per obstacle… At least it takes skill, but it’s not even an integral part of the party itself – and it’s freaking hard!
On the plus side – the dancing alpacas are cute.
It looks like something coming out of a game jam. This game was on Kickstarter, I don’t understand?
please tell me it’s satire. Ha ha ha ha…