Ironyca has Never Stood in the Fire, But Someone Else has!

I’ve been deceiving you all…

Ironyca has never stood in the fire.

But someone else (un?)fortunately has!

Unsuspectingly, Elford witnessed the sky turning fiery red while doing the dutiful deeds of the Alliance in Southern Barrens.

Swiftly his little bottom was swept from underneath him and he died in the flames of Deathwing.

Elford could now officially say that Deathwing had claimed a life of his.

He was getting good at this “dying”. Both in the sense it happened to him rather often, but he was also becoming more fearless, didn’t let the spirit realm whispering drive him mad, took the penalty like an ironman, although some would argue he wasn’t as hardcore as he’d like to think.

After having rushed back to his mortal remains, he realized that the Northwatch Recons were about to be surrounded by flames too.

He tried to warn them.

Maybe it was because he was a spirit, maybe it was because he was only as tall as grass – but the soldiers died one after another.

Elford had yet not realized how this would be of his actual benefit until he resurrected.

Piled in a mass grave, the scorched soldiers lay sparkling with their pockets full of coins. Elford had learned by now that the dead were fair game for looting. But what about his own faction, the very people whom a minute ago had worked to protect him?

Under the watchful gaze of a tauren Desolation Grunt, Elford picked a guilty handful of Recon earnings. At least the tauren didn’t get his hands on the money, nor did anyone else though, Elford kept it all.

Puffed and satisfied he traveled back to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire. Wefhellt, the mage trainer, had reminded him to come visit once in a while, both to maintain his mage training, but also to deliver saucy rumours.

This evening, however, Wefhellt was not as excited to see him as usual. Elford sensed it was best to leave the room and seek accommodation elsewhere.

Did Elford Sense a Tinge of Irony?

There were two reasons for Elford’s premature departure from Stranglethorn Vale.

First of all, the accomodation just became very rural. It was admittedly jungle standards so his expectations were not as high. However, when he arrived late at Fort Livingston, conditions went from bad to worse. Was this?…

Yes, this was the inn, run by the man himself: Livingston Marshal <Innkeeper>. This tent had nothing inside other than a barrel and a few boxes.

Calling it an “inn” was more than a stretch and so was calling this camp a “fort”, it was more like a campsite surrounded by a fence. Someone was obviously suffering from great delusions…

The other problem was that he quickly found himself in the exact situation he wanted to avoid when starting over from scratch – running lousy errands for pirates in Booty Bay.

It was hard to not squirm at the awkwardness of the situation while MacKinley was giving him the order:

“There’s three phases to debt collecting: asking nicely, asking forcefully, and something I like to call “Phase Three”.

Unfortunately, collecting during Phase Three is something that this old dog can’t do any more. That’s why I employ so many cronies, stooges, mooks, goons, and noble adventurers like yourself!“ 

Did Elford sense a tinge of irony? He wasn’t sure, but it was unlikely that MacKinley would think highly of someone like him, posh and snooty compared to the rugged pirates around here. Regardless, he collected the debt and decided to leave by boat at dawn and continue on to Northwatch Hold, a military post that had the bonus quality of being a real fort!

Thank God Elford Didn’t Suffer From That!…

Elford decided to travel to the nearby area Stranglethorn Vale, after having completed his tasks in Duskwood. He was at first happy to leave this sinister place, only to be faced with the savage force of the jungle.

If Grand Magus Doane had been difficult, Elford had seen nothing yet.

He started off his adventure at the Rebel Camp, a group of former Kurzen explorers sent here from Stormwind on an expedition. The leader Colonel Conrad Kurzen had then been under the influence of corruption, which had led these rebels to defect. Now they wanted Elford to find information about what was going on at the Kurzen compound.

It was here Elford struggled and was advised to find safer grounds.

It was good advice. However, stubbornness prevailed.

He eventually found the prison records for several members of the Kurzen Expedition and upon reading them, he knew he was dealing with some tough brutes.

130 years of incarceration for going mad? Even Conrad Kurzen himself had been killed, his misdeed being weakness. Thank god Elford didn’t suffer from that!….

The rebels at the Rebel Camp was surprised to learn about the Colonel’s gruesome death and ordered Elford to stop the Kurzen legacy by killing the four highest ranking members all residing within a cave at the North of the compound.

Not taking the hunter’s advise before was a bad decision. The cave was deep and the leaders spread throughout it. Performing this reversed execution was hard.

Killing the first three went okay, it took a lot of blinking, a magical act Elford was very proud of – good for party tricks. The fourth guy Chief Gaulus made Elford unnerved. Having an empty dog house with no sight of a dog can’t be normal…

Then again, the mushrooms might explain that.

Chief Gaulus standing in the background enjoying the sight of a flat and very dead gnome.

Gaulus was for some ungodly reason much stronger than the others. His lightning shield ability was fierce and would almost cut Elford’s health in half.

Thankfully he wasn’t flung from towers but instead killed in a few blows where after he returned to bug Gaulus again, like a flea bouncing back.

Eventually he decided yet again to wait with this killing order until he had gained more jungle experience.

When time came, it took considerable magical strength and planning to finally bring this lunatic down. The toughest encounter yet.

Next episode: Did Elford Sense a Tinge of Irony?
From the beginning: Elford the (former) Executive and the Ironman Challenge